We Read it So You Didn't Have To | Episode One: Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo
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Jesse - Today we are going to go over the book Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo, which Nathaniel read. And I just wanted to sit him down to have a little conversation about some of the takeaways. Okay, so I wanted to kinda just pick your brain about a couple different pieces of the book. First of all, could you just explain the title in a nutshell?
Nathaniel - Yeah, the title Everything is Figureoutable, ahh man, I wish I had the book here with me, but it's pretty straightforward. That's basically the book. Take every concept, every struggle that you've had, and you may have thought in the moment this is impossible there is no way I'm going to get through this, but Marie's whole concept is that you can. And that's really all it's about. It goes through a whole bunch of different stories, a whole bunch of different perspectives, some challenges you may have come across. Different experiences that people have and how you can really take that concept, "everything is figureoutable" to heart.
Jesse - Let's start with the Tropicana Orange story. I think that's pretty relevant to Orange Slice and I heard you and Seth talking about it. Can you tell me a little bit about that?
Nathaniel - Yeah, so this is actually Marie's first introduction to this whole concept of "everything is figureoutable". She starts off, it's her first chapter of the book, where she explains her back story and how she's living with her single mom at the time in New Jersey. And she comes back, I can't remember if it was from school or where exactly, but she was coming back home and one of the things she's used to coming home to from school is hearing her mom listening to this little Tropicana radio that she got. It was like this little Tropicana orange that you see, it's got the straw in it and everything. Her mom applied or filled out some form to get it free and she used that - that was just kind of her way to listen to music. And one of the days that she came back home, Marie, and she didn't hear it. It wasn't playing, there was no music going on she was calling out to her mom and couldn't find her. So she was getting really worried that something may have happened. She comes around the corner into the kitchen and sitting at the table is her mom just kind of - this Tropicana radio just ripped apart all the pieces all over the table. And she's like, "Wait, mom, what happened? What's going on?" And she's like, "Oh, yeah", her mom said, "It's broken. I'm fixing it." And she puts it back together throughout this conversation that they have and it starts working. And Marie asks her mom, she's like, "Wait a minute, "Since when did you learn to fix radios?" And her mom's response was basically, "well, I just figured it out." And it's something that - and I think the exact line was "everything is figureoutable" as part of the story. And Marie, just that like, blew her mind. And she had been meditating on that and thinking about it for years until it finally hit her later in her life, but that's kind of where that phrase came from.
Jesse - Yeah, so her mom sort of modeled for her that if you have a problem you can just find your way through it.
Nathaniel - Exactly.
Jesse - So, I guess, one thing that stuck out to me was sort of this section of the book that talks about how to deal with the fear around things.
Nathaniel - Yeah, so this is chapter five of her book. And, this was actually kind of an interesting concept to me personally, because I hadn't thought about fear this way. It's been something I've been thinking about more recently. The short phrase,. to try and chunk the whole chapter together is that, fear is not something to avoid, necessarily, it's something that you can use as a tool. You can kind of think of it like a GPS is how she explains it. You can notice the fear, really understand why you are feeling it, where is it coming from, what's triggering that, and figure out what the right response is. So maybe you might be afraid of going on stage to do some, like, big speech. And you've got the butterfly's going, you're anxious, and maybe you're afraid of all the things that could go wrong. And she points out a couple of different things. One, think about the worst-case scenario, the worst thing that could happen and then create a plan, even though it's unlikely. Cool, now do the worst plan again. What's the worst possible case scenario, just keep walking down that. And as soon as you have this plan, now you've taken this fear and that guiding factor and you already know what you're going to do if the worst possible case scenario happens, which, more often than not, is not going to.
Jesse - Right, it feels like there's sort of the ideology of like don't think about what could go wrong, but she actually sort of flips it and says, "if you sort of walk down the path of what could go wrong you realize that usually, you can handle whatever happens and obviously it's figureoutable". But, yeah, I do like that approach, where you're sort of just - you imagine what could go wrong and then you create a plan so you're not scared or surprised.
Nathaniel - And one of the other things that she mentioned in this chapter is this, I guess, kind of like these types of fears might be a way that you could think about it where you need to take a second and when you feel the fear, breathe, and really consider how it's making you feel. Is going through this or being in this moment something that makes you contract or expand. And that's kind of the concept of is it going to help you grow if you go do this thing, like getting on stage you're going to develop this skill and start to be more comfortable it's going to be something that opens up your life, that broadens your life. Where, if you're afraid of - oh, I'm trying to remember a good example from the book. Nothing's really coming to mind right now, but this whole concept of, is it going to make you lesser than, is it going to take away from your life and those are the things that you would avoid.
Jesse - So, just moving on to, I guess, chapter nine, she talks about refusing to be refused. And there were a couple of things that stood out to me here. She says you're already being judged right now. What does that mean?
Nathaniel - It's like this ultra-realistic picture of life, which is something I love that Marie does, she just - she's like very straight to the point and tells you what she thinks. If you really think about it, every time you walk down the street, there's going to be somebody on the road or maybe you're crossing them while you're going to work and they just look at you and they're angry. If you don't take a right turn fast enough, maybe you don't - I don't know, if you're not wearing the right t-shirt or whatever the heck. Literally anything. Somebody is going to be judging you whether you know it or not, maybe some will say it, maybe some won't. And she takes it and keeps going with this idea where, like, okay, if people are already going to be judging you, you can't cater to everyone's needs or everyone's desires of what they expect you to be. Because if you wear the shirt that one person's thinking, somebody else is going to be like, why are you wearing that shirt, go back and forth between all these different things. So that's really where that concept of, like, you're being judged right now is taken to it's extreme. Which is true, and then it goes from there.
Jesse - Yeah, I guess, you sorta realize that whatever judgment is happening probably says more about where they are and how they view the world. So, maybe not getting caught up in how people are judging you. But, yeah, just being open to the fact that a lot of people have a lot of different feelings about everything.
Nathaniel - And she goes on to say that everything you love is despised by someone else. So, it's kind of the continuation of that same idea. And then the next step of that is if you care about what others think, it's the more they own you. So, if you say, these people have these expectations of what I should wear, what I should do everyday, then that's less control that you have and putting that in their hands. So if you take that back, and use what helps, maybe there's some advice that somebody might have, maybe a mentor that's talking to you and they recommend you do one or another or maybe it's an opinion vs helpful advice. It's balancing between those and saying, okay, cool. What's actually helpful here and then what's going to hurt me. And then, if it's good, like it's actually something that's helpful, something that teaches you, like, don't burn your hand on the stovetop is like a super simple example or get up, try again if you fall off a bike. That's all helpful advice. Whereas, if - you're just a bad person, you're sucky, everything you do is bad, that's not helpful advice. There's nothing good there to be extracted from it, so you just kind of put it to the side and keep moving. So, think about what you want, where you're headed, and take - and don't let the judgment hold you back.
Jesse - Beautiful, and then sort of, to just conclude - so she talks about the world needs what you have to offer and finding your special gift, right? Could you just talk a little bit about what she says about that?
Nathaniel - This is a really cool way to end the book. I have this note I've written that I'm going to read and then I'm going to tear apart here really quickly. It says, "you are here for a reason, don't waste it. If you do, that's stealing from those who need it most. And the thing that you're taking is something that is irreplaceable - you." It's this really interesting concept that's really summing up that whole chapter ten. Like it says, you're irreplaceable, you are you and there's not going to be anyone like you. There's no one that's going to see that perspective the same way you do, have that same exact experience in the order that you have it. So, there's something that you've seen in the world, take it - there's these cool skills that you have, this desire that you want, this mesh of all these different skills that you have that maybe don't fit into any mold that currently exists. And there may not be that specific job title or, I guess, realm that you fit in, in a career. So you just have to build it yourself. So, kind of going back to the whole concept of being judged, just don't let others hold you back, don't waste what you have and I thought that was really cool.
Jesse - I guess she sorta starts talking about making a life that you - a path that you want to be on, not just what others expect of you as well. And I think that things are starting to shift in our society in terms of following your own path, but yeah, just managing your own expectations and other people's and really just staying true to yourself. That's important.
Nathaniel - Yeah, and to bring it full circle, it may feel like getting to that lifestyle that you think of, maybe it's a lifestyle, maybe it's a career, a job, something that's on your mind. It may feel impossible to reach, but don't let that hold you back because everything is figureoutable. You can get there, there is a way don't let the judgement of the world hold you back and don't be afraid of failing, really. Just go for it, make it happen, and find people who can work on it with you.
Jesse - I love it. Alright, thanks Nathaniel, thanks for reading so I don't have to and we'll see you next time.
Nathaniel - Of course.
Jesse - Cut.
Nathaniel - Done.
